After a marathon of influenza, things got more interesting and my kids decided to break a arm and get the worst stomach flu in the history of stomach flu, in the same week. Resulting in 2 ER visits, a specialist visit, doctors visits, and a crazy amount of meds. As much as my children sometimes drives me crazy, I couldn't wait for them to get back to normal. It was a scary and stressful week..

Mia, beautiful even after an all nighter in the ER. This child is one tough cookie

After everyone was well, my husband and I flew to Texas to attend a wedding of an old friend. Then we got stranded in Houston for an extra day after our flight home got cancelled.. thank you United..

highlights from our Texas trip. View from our room, in-n-out meal (yum) and photo booth goofiness, not including the layover in a best western and too many days of airport food.

It has been a very eventful few weeks. I've been hesitant of leaving house since, haha. Worried our bad luck may continue. I still feel as though we all still recovering from the last few weeks.. But thankfully everyone is healthy and on the mend.
 Since we've been sort of shut in while everyone recouped, I took up a new obsession.. Doctor Who. Oh my, I'm loving the show. Its something I'm enjoying on my own though, as my movie connoisseur husband can't get over the cheesiness that makes the show oh-so-wonderful. I'm gathering chicks seem to dig the show more anyway. I love the show. If you've never watched it before, I highly suggest watching season 4 episode 11 called "blink". If you can't get into that, you probably won't like the show. It takes a few episodes to get sucked in. I started with the first episode and was like, "how do people like this show?", then watched "blink", then I was pretty much hooked.

 On the fitness side of things, I have about 3 more weeks of my bulking/off season. By the end of the month I should be beginning my competition prep! I'm so enjoying bulking, though. I don't have to do cardio, I get to eat so many carbs, its wonderful.. oh and cheat meals! I've added 10 pounds since I began bulking.. they've been slow, 10 pounds over 4 months, hopefully its all muscle..As sad as I am to end bulking/ off season, I am excited to see the muscle I've built. I can see it, but because of the winter blanket I'm not shredded, like I will be. The saying is true, you can't have you cake and eat it too. You can't build muscle and remain "shredded", you also can't be "shredded" and build muscle.
 My off season has been an amazing experience in learning nutrition, and dispelling all the food myths I prescribed to. Like having a cheat meal will make you fat. Now if you have like 6 in a week, then duh, but one or even 2 meals a week isn't going to derail your work. I love my cheat meals, and I have been able to guilt free enjoy some awesome meals that in years past I wouldn't have out of fear of getting fat.

muscle under fluff, all part of the process. Looking forward to melting away that nice layer of fat

 I've also dealt with the scale. Its always been my self esteem barometer, if it wasn't going down, I wasn't good enough. Trying to not lose weight, but gain is a mind trip.. but its also been purifying. Not to say when I did step on the scale and see the numbers creeping higher, it didn't freak me out.. but it forced me to break the chains the scale has had on me. Its crazy that as I sit here, at the weight higher than I normally have maintained before all this, in jeans the smallest I've ever worn.. can you say weird? What's been encouraging on days when I feel especially fluffy, I tell myself I will never look like this again. Even though ultimately I want to accept me at whatever size, as I gain muscle and get better at this process, my body will continue to change. I'm excited for the next step in this journey, and all I'm going to learn. I'm so thankful for this process. I really feel like I've beat my eating disorder. Not to mention how this has helped me.. Its forced/helped/facilitated in me learning to love and accept myself with no strings attached, no what ifs, and despite some seriously difficult circumstances. I discovered this in the nick of time, as it came at a pivotal point in my life and my marriage.
 Speaking of marriage I have a blog post that's been sitting on my computer for about a month. Its basically some thoughts of what my life experience has taught me about marriage. What life experience you ask? Oh you know moving across country as newlyweds, getting married young, miscarriage, raising children (still have lots to learn and experience there), job loss and unemployment (same time as miscarriage.. go big or go home that's how we do it), and infidelity.. just to name a few.. yep we've been through a lot. Hopefully it will encourage others. Really that's what I want to do. I don't feel I could in any way coach or counsel anyone at this point (maybe some day if God wills).. as I'm still learning and growing on my own journey, but maybe by sharing my story I can encourage other ladies who are facing similar circumstances or challenges in their lives. When I get around to it, I will post it. Now to make dinner and clean up the pretzel crumbs my 2 year old just dumped on the carpet.