Here's the thing, Marriage is hard. Life is hard. Its full of heartache, temptation, and challenges. There will come a time when the trials of life test your marriage. What will it reveal? For us it revealed a lot of misconceptions, hurt, anger, and revealed communication on the hard things had gone flat. It also revealed how desperately forgiveness and transparency was needed. When you join in marriage you are no longer two entities.You are one. All your previous mistakes, ideas, secrets, everything has to be revealed to your spouse. Your spouse is your God given sharpener. They will be what God uses to refine and shape you. If you can't be open about everything, they can't cant be used to sharpen you.
Husband is called to love his wife. This love goes beyond patting her on the head and looking at her as the weaker. But sharing with her, using her as a sound board for ideas, allowing her to express herself and remembering God gave her to you and her wisdom and foresight and hindsight and weaknesses. She is valuable. Don't ever miss a moment of making it known to her, her value to you. If you've said it 100 times, say it 100 more. Her self worth hinges on the husband, as does the husbands self worth hinges on the wife. Don't take that for granted. No one can tear down or disparage like the spouse.
The wife is called to respect. Understand that your husband has a God given ability to lead and make decisions, allow him to do so. He was brought into your life to lead you and love you as Christ the church. Not only does the wife need to allow her husband to lead, but he needs to hear you are proud of him, that you trust him. As the wife you need to know part of your job is heaps of forgiveness. Unlike our heavenly bride-groom, our spouses are fallible, human. And they make mistakes. A wife needs to be quick to forgive and encourage. Always be his biggest fan, his loudest cheerleader, don't let that role be filled by anyone else.
Even though we've been married a short time, we've encountered quite a few hardships. In these trials, hardships, and mistakes God has revealed some wisdom to us, that we feel are so important to a healthy, God centered marriage.
1. Set boundaries/ perimeters for the opposite sex. Example: at work neither of us can be alone with the opposite sex. You want to eliminate even the slightest possibility of temptation as well put in a foundation of trust.
2. Pray for your spouse. Pour over them in prayer. Then tell them, open that communication, God may be pressing on your heart a something they need or need to hear. Its also encouraging to know what your spouse prays over you. Be sure to share respectably.
3. Go on dates. Make it a habit. When children come it will be difficult, but they are so necessary for intimacy and open communication. As well as make a habit to take time away. Especially so when you have children, but take time to be just the two of you with no time constraints, deadlines, or chores. Overnight, weekend, week in a hotel, camping, at home with the kids at the grandparents, whatever will fit in your budget and schedule. Make it a priority, even if its just once a year. A healthy marriage needs a break from the ordinary.
4. Surround yourself with pro marriage support. Make sure friends and family are so for your marriage, that even when your spouse sins against or hurts you, they push you back toward your spouse. Friends that take your side aren't helping.. If they aren't for your marriage, they are against it.
5. Talk about/ discover you and spouses love language. You should know how your spouse communicates and receives love, do so often. But be sure you are communicating in all love languages as well.
6. Counseling is not for the broken marriage only. If ever a time you feel off, seek counsel. Its better to humble yourself at the first sign of distress to prevent disaster than use it to piece a broken marriage back together.
7. Put trust in God, not your spouse. They are human. They make mistakes. They will fail you. God won't. He loves you and your spouse and is always fighting for your marriage. If you both are placing your trust in God, God will be tightening your bond in marriage.
8. Sexual intimacy begins before intercourse. Learn what makes your spouse tick. Learn to be spontaneous. A healthy, satisfying sex life is a sign or symptom of a healthy marriage, unlike the common thought that sex=healthy marriage. If your having issues in the bedroom, time to evaluate other areas of marriage.
9. Don't put focus that should be going to your spouse, on anything else. In the list of priorities its first God then spouse. If anything comes before your partner, your priorities are out of whack. Especially when children are in the picture. They will thrive in the security and love of the priorities being god, spouse, children.
10. Your spouse is on your side, on all issues. Create an environment of honesty by establishing this. If your spouse knows you fight with them not against there is no secret, no sin, no hurt that should not be spoken. Sometimes what your spouse struggles with or is bothered with will hurt, but don't forget its you both against the problem. Your spouse need the support, encouragement and love, not another opponent. Being an opponent will only push your spouse farther and break intimacy.
11. There is no challenge/sin/trial to big for God. This one is really important. Its easy for us to want to give up and throw in the towel, heck half of marriages do, but nothing is too hard for God to solve. Just as you trusted God with your marriage in the beginning, trust God with it when its hard. He has a plan for your marriage, even in the bleakest of situations.
I know we have a lot more to learn in the coming years of marriage. Even the above is challenging to put into practice as its so easy to get comfortable or harbor anger/hurt.But what a wonderful journey marriage is. Its sometimes hard, but its also a blessing to share life with your spouse.
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